a prayer....

A month passed by...

it feels...
hundred years
of sorrow and loss

a year of
pain
denial
questioning
depression
fear 
and anger
passed by...

it seems...
hundred years of solitude

I am saying a prayer today:

I dont want to...
be strong
neither
silent
or weak

I want to...
experience what I experience
let the waves of the sea
which keeps washing over me
wash me through

to...
allow myself to feel the pain,
the loss,
the grief,
the absence,
and all the feelings
that are unbearable

I want to...
bear the pain
but not let it drag me down
or sweep me far away to wonder lost

to...
open my heart to the pain
let my psyche heal
and gain a balance

to...
breath through the sorrow
allow to feel it
without becoming attached to it

I want to...
learn more about myself
grow and transform in essence
see this period in life as a transition
and less as of a loss
(though certainly it is an unbearable loss)
(i lost her)
(i lost part of me)

I want...
the ability to see the pain
as an experience
and not as who I am as a being

I pray for pure peace in my heart and spirit
and the same
for those who are in this
experiencing such pain
and need to heal

I forgive myself and those
 
I want to...
live fully with my every cell
present in now

so this way...
she lives on 
in us
and we carry her 
through us
til we join her up above

amen
so be it.