a prayer....

A month passed by...

it feels...
hundred years
of sorrow and loss

a year of
pain
denial
questioning
depression
fear 
and anger
passed by...

it seems...
hundred years of solitude

I am saying a prayer today:

I dont want to...
be strong
neither
silent
or weak

I want to...
experience what I experience
let the waves of the sea
which keeps washing over me
wash me through

to...
allow myself to feel the pain,
the loss,
the grief,
the absence,
and all the feelings
that are unbearable

I want to...
bear the pain
but not let it drag me down
or sweep me far away to wonder lost

to...
open my heart to the pain
let my psyche heal
and gain a balance

to...
breath through the sorrow
allow to feel it
without becoming attached to it

I want to...
learn more about myself
grow and transform in essence
see this period in life as a transition
and less as of a loss
(though certainly it is an unbearable loss)
(i lost her)
(i lost part of me)

I want...
the ability to see the pain
as an experience
and not as who I am as a being

I pray for pure peace in my heart and spirit
and the same
for those who are in this
experiencing such pain
and need to heal

I forgive myself and those
 
I want to...
live fully with my every cell
present in now

so this way...
she lives on 
in us
and we carry her 
through us
til we join her up above

amen
so be it.

or..... the acustic version.....

or maybe you like the paino version.....

for you susan joonam....i know you would love it......

by living......

you with me.... in my house .....

Sohrab Sepehri says it all when he said:
"ta shaghayegh hast zendegee bayad kard."

doaa kardeem......

kojayee..........

never told....

without you.....

Bodhi by Sohrab Seperhri......

but things I do know....

Like the most of you,

I was raised among people who knew.

who were certain.

They did not reason or investigate.

They had no doubts.

They believed that they had the truth.

In their creed there was no guess — no perhaps.

They had a revelation from their blood.

They knew the beginning and the end of things.

no questions asked.

no options were given.

no free will was granted.

Then I asked myself the question:

how can they be so sure 

of their thoughts,

likes and dislikes,

should's and must not's.

I do not deny.

I do not know .

but I do not believe they know.

I believe that the natural is supreme.

that from the infinite chain no link can be lost or broken.

that there is no supernatural power that can answer prayer.

no power that worship can persuade or change.

Is there a truth?
I do not know.
Is there a fair belief?
I do not know.

but things I do know,

that neither hope,

nor fear, belief, nor denial,

can change the fact.

It is as it is, and it will be as it must be.

we can be as honest as we are ignorant.

If we are, when asked what is beyond the horizon of the known,

we must say that we do not know.

we can tell the truth, and we can enjoy the blessed freedom that the brave have won.

we can destroy the monsters of superstition, the hissing snakes of ignorance and fear.

we can drive from our minds the frightful things that tear and wound with beak and fang.

we can civilize our fellow-beings

we can fill our lives with generous deeds, with loving words, with art and song, and all the ecstasies of love.

we can flood our years with sunshine

with the divine climate of kindness,

and

we can drain to the last drop the golden cup of joy.

born to endless life.....

every night and every morn
some are born to their own dreams
some are born to endless life 

where every night and every morn
there is no shadow 
sorrow or pain.

where you are within 
in your own truth
where
you can grasp 
you never was born 
and will never die
       
only there
there was yesterday
there is today 
there will be tomorrow 
there will be always 

you are all
all is you
you are truth
you are whole
you are life
life is you

every night 
and every morn
we are born
we all die

and

we will never be the same

-(my words to you who is born to your own dreams)

away from me....

stay with it.....

doost daramash........

now she has wings...

miss you khoobam....